Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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