I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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