How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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