Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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