Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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