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she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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