Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
