he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
