i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
