So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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