At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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