Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
