Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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