Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So vagazzling was a success
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
