you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
