he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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