So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
