Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
