I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize