dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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