Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
