sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
