Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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