bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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