I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
