elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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