Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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