She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
