i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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