Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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