remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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