i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
