Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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