His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
