I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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