I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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