she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
