you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
