Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
