The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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