just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize