toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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