why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize