I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
