You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
