I didn't shave. On purpose
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
