...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
