we have officially lost it.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
