A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
