Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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