I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I am one with the molecules
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize