I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
