You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
