tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Drunk is a universal language darling
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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