was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
