I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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