im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
