I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
