Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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