I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
