You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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