he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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