know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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