I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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