dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
