I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
