i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
