When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
