The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
