K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
