listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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