How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
