I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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