It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
