Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
