My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
