Moan for me like Helen Keller
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
