can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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