I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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